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June 20, 2011 @ 7:28 pm

Muskrat Love

This morning, for some reason I don’t actually understand, I had the song “Muskrat Love” stuck in my head for several hours.  Thinking about the lyrics*, I began to see this little scene in my head:

A crime has been committed in Muskrat Land.  Sam and Suzie are being questioned at the local police station by Officers A and B, respectively, in separate rooms.

We join Sam and Officer A . . .

Officer A: So you ate dinner by candlelight on the evening in question?

Sam: Yes.

Officer A: And then what did you do?

Sam: We went out and did the town.

Officer A: Pardon?

Sam: You know, we painted the town.  We went out.

Officer A: And did you stay out late that night?

Sam: No, we just went out for the evening.

Officer A: Did you have a nice time?

Sam: It was pretty pleasin’.

In the next room, Officer B is speaking with Suzie.  This is a sample of their conversation:

Officer B: So you say you went dancing?

Suzie: Yes, we did.

Officer B: What sort of dancing did you do?

Suzie: Well, we did the jitterbug, and we shimmied.  (Laughing) Sam is so skinny.

Officer B: Tell me more about that.

Suzie: What do you want to know?

Officer B: What role does Sam’s underweight condition play in the commission of the crime?

Suzie: We didn’t commit any crimes.

Officer B: Well, then, how about you tell me what else you did that night.

Suzie: We whirled and we twirled and we tangoed.

Officer B: The officer who brought you in says you told him you were singin’ and jingin’ the jango.

Suzie: That’s correct.

Officer B: Exactly what is a “jango”, and how does one “jing” it?

Suzie: Well, according to Wikipedia, Jango can refer to Jango Edwards, an American clown; Jango, Pakistan, a village in Pakistan; Jango Fett, a character from Star Wars; Jango (Noble Warriors Trilogy), a book written by William Nicholson; Jango (TV series), a 1961 British TV show; Jango (website) an advertising-supported Internet radio and social networking service; João Goulart, a Brazilian politician nicknamed Jango; Jango, a 1984 Brazilian documentary about Goulart; Jango (Django), a fictional character in the One Piece series; or Jango, a sheriff character who appears in the Powerman (Powerbolt) comic series.

Officer B: (Sighing and shaking his head) And what form of the word were you talking about?

Suzie: Oh.  I was referring to a form of dance that Sam and I enjoy.  It’s a combination of Jazz and Tango.

Officer B: And “jingin'”?

Suzie: Jing is software that allows the user to record their actions on a computer and then upload the video, for instance to share a tutorial on how to perform a specific task or how to use a particular program.  We started calling all video recording “jinging”.  (Rolls eyes)  Sam is a computer geek.  So anyway, we were making a video recording of ourselves dancing.  Jingin’ the jango.

Officer B: The arresting officer’s report says you claimed to be floatin’ like the heavens above.

Suzie: Yes sir. (Smiles) It was a lovely evening.

Officer B: What type of drugs were you doing that caused that floating feeling?

Officer A enters the room and joins the conversation.

Officer A: Looks like muskrat love, Sir.

Officer B: What drug is that?  I haven’t heard of that one.  Do you smoke it?  Snort it?  Shoot it?

Suzie: Love is just . . . love.  It isn’t a substance.

Officer B: And you were found nibbling on bacon and chewing on cheese.  Did that drug give you the munchies?

Suzie: No.  That was our bedtime snack.  Bacon and cheese. (Smiles again) That was the night Sam proposed to me.  It was so romantic.

Officer B: (to Officer A) Get the other witness in here, please.  I want to hear this from him as well.

Officer A leaves the room and returns with Sam.  They all sit down together.

Officer A: Sam, please tell Officer B what happened after your proposal.

Sam: Well, I was ticklin’ her fancy, and rubbin’ her toes, muzzle to muzzle . . .

Officer A: And anything goes?

Sam: That’s right.

Suzie: We wriggled, and I started to giggle.

Officer B: So you are saying that, at the time of the murder, you two were busy wriggling?

Sam and Suzie: (in unison) Yes.

The door opens and a large water rat runs in, followed by a man who is visibly upset, pointing his finger and yelling, “You dirty rat.  You killed my brother!”

Officer B: The water rat?

Upset man: Yes, that’s what I told you before!

Officer A: We thought you said musk rat.

Upset man: No, water rat!

Officer B: (Turning to Sam and Suzie) You two are free to go.

* Muskrat Love
Written by Willis Alan Ramsey, ©1971

Muskrat, muskrat candlelight
Doin’ the town and doin’ it right
In the evenin’
It’s pretty pleasin’

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy’s so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin’ on cheese
Sammy says to Susie “Honey, would you please be my missus?”
And she say yes
With her kisses

And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy
Rubbin’ her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love

La da da da da …


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