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September 13, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

Like Dominoes

domino_effectI truly didn’t believe there could be anyone out there who was this perfectly suited for me.  I mean, what were the chances of that?  In every relationship, there are compatibilities and there are differences.  There are the things that work out easily and the obstacles to overcome.  In each of my past relationships, there were those issues that I had to ask myself if I were willing to accept and work with, and I’m sure each of the people I had relationships with had to ask themselves similar questions about me.  In each case, the final answer was “no”.

Fast forward through several years of my being unwilling to trust again or allow myself to be vulnerable; my shutting down of so many parts of myself connected to the passion and joie de vivre that I’m rediscovering now; the unraveling, layer by layer, of the health issues I’ve been dealing with and what works to lessen the symptoms of each; two-plus years of therapy; and my beginning to pay attention to and appreciate those things that bring me bliss . . . and like dominoes, everything else fell into place.

One night, while having a great visit with my friend RB, I brought up the topic of asking the Universe for what one wants.  We talked about how some people make a list of all the qualities they would want in a mate and put it out there for the Universe to find that person.  I was actually joking when I said that if I were to want someone in my life (and I quickly qualified that I did not, although that may have been the moment I peeled the very tiniest tip off of the corner of my anti-relationship resolve), I would want someone like a physicist (because I figured a physicist would be willing to ponder with me about the sorts of things I like to ponder about; the things that cause most people to look at me with an amused or bemused or bored expression, like time travel and multiple universes and astral projection and energy fields).  I added that I would prefer a person with Celiacs as well, so that gluten and the sharing of a kitchen would not be an issue.  We then began to build (in a joking way) on what other qualities this Celiac Physicist Person would possess.

I went home and began to compose a list (complete with a disclaimer at the top, saying that I wasn’t actually ready to ask for this person, just in case the Universe was reading over my shoulder).  I wound up with 58 carefully thought-out items on my list.  Items such as “Is a good communicator”, “Is a night owl like me”, “Understands therapy”, “Appreciates compromise on both our parts”, “Understands ADD but does not have it”, “Understands Fibromyalgia but does not have it”, “Respects boundaries”, “Is not controlling or manipulative”, “Level of mental health, self awareness, and personal growth is compatible with mine”, “Spiritual / religious views are compatible with mine”, “Moral values are compatible with mine”, “Political views are compatible with mine”, “Sense of humor is compatible with mine”, along with many items that were more personal.  Many of the items on my list came from what I learned was wrong for me in previous relationships, but many also came from what I learned had been right.  I used the phrase “compatible with mine” to indicate that I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was “just like me” in too many ways, but that it’s possible to hold differing but compatible views, opinions, and qualities, and often those things tend to allow one to enhance or balance the other.

Well, I wrote my list and then put it away.  I figured if I ever reached the point of really wanting someone in my life, I would get it back out and dust it off then, and polish it, before putting the request out there.

But the Universe was evidently reading over my shoulder.  And it turned out that I already knew this person, who is not a physicist and does not have Celiacs.  She does, however, ponder things the way I do (and even on similar or compatible topics as the ones I love to ponder), and she has decided to become completely gluten free, for me.  That touches me so deeply, the way she so matter-of-factly and willingly decided to do that.  For us.

I’ve always believed (with the exception of those times when I was too emotionally constricted and cut-off from my feelings to believe in anything) that things happen for a reason, and at the time they are supposed to happen.  This certainly feels destined or fated, and I would not have been ready for this six months, or three months, or even three weeks, before the time when it began to develop to beyond-friendship feelings.

Even though I’m not normally one to quote biblical verses, I keep hearing, in my mind, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, American Standard version).


  1. Comment by cat:

    Oh Tamp! I’m so very happy for you.

  2. Comment by kate1975:

    How wonderful. I am so happy for the both of you. I didn’t feel like it would be a physicist but I have been feeling that this was going to happen for you in the near future. You just seemed to give off that vibe. Glad the universe was looking over your shoulder. Now, I’m not sure if I am ready to make my list, if that is going to happen. 🙂



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